Tag Archives: funny

Walking Dead…

So .. I’m watching season 2 on dvr with a friend .. we’re on the episode where the psycho dude ends up at the high school with the big dude who shot the kid .. you following me?

so we’re at the part where they’re inside medical van .. they open the door .. and there are dundundun *drum roll* zombies everywhere!

So .. episode is over .. and it’s time for us to leave the apartment ..

I open the door just an inch or two and hear a noise and semi slam it .. being overly dramatic .. as only i can .. i said something along the lines of the zombies trying to get me ..

so we laugh and i open the door again .. wider this time

and I SCREAMEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

I’m talking .. full on .. top of the lungs .. girlie squealing screaming for my life .. scream

damn oriental restaraunt dude putting flyers on door was standing right there .. bad timing right?

so i slam the door again and jump back ..

Guy is now standing several feet away on the other side of the hallway .. probably thinking .. damn crazy ass white girl ..

i’m hyperventilating .. and all he says is .. “you ok ma’am?”

Fucking zombies ..

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REVIEW: Explosive Eighteen – A Stephanie Plum series novel by Janet Evanovich

Explosive Eighteen is a part of a brilliantly hilarious series featuring Stephanie Plum and her incredible sidekicks.

I am unhappy with this book.  Explanation below 🙂

Stephanie Plum is at it again.  Running from madmen, evading the FBI and police, outrunning mobsters and doing her best to keep Lula from shooting someone.

Being a bounty hunter is positively entertaining in this series.  Whenever I need a good laugh, I close my eyes and reach towards my bookshelf that holds my Evanovich collection.  I never know what story I’m getting myself into, but usually I am not disappointed.  Evanovich is brilliant and her sense of humor is down right breathtaking.  Literally.

Stephanie returns home from her trip to Hawaii.  The most holy moly fact?  She is not wearing a wedding ring but there is a tan line where one was worn.  What happened?  Did she marry Ranger or Morelli?  Only reading the book will tell!  Holy shit, right?!  That’s all I am going to say.

Vinnie is a good bail bondsman but a boil on my family’s backside.  In the past, he’s been a gambler, a womanizer, a philanderer, a card cheat, and I’m pretty sure he once had a romantic encounter with a duck.

As with all of the other books in this series, Stephanie waffles with the attraction and indecision between her lust of Morelli and Ranger.  In my opinion, something needs to change.  The relationships no longer leave me reading after midnight.  If I am not captivated enough to read past my bedtime, something needs to give.

And now Morelli was a good cop, a responsible home owner, and an excellent pet parent to his dog, Bob.  I’d always thought he had a superior boyfriend, but his job was a constant, frequently grim, intrusion, and I couldn’t see that changing anytime soon. 

The other guy in my life, Ranger, realistically had no boyfriend or husband potential whatsoever, but he was an addictive guilty pleasure.  He had a body like Batman, a dark and mysterious past, a dark and mysterious present, and an animal magnetism that sucked me in the instant I approached his force field.  He wore only black.  He drove only black cars.  And when he made love, his brown eyes dilated totally black.

Lula is one of my most favorite characters of ANY book that I have read.  She’s my hero.  A former ho, big, black and beautifully drenched in spandex suffocating in leopard print and curves that make doughnuts run for their lives, she’s wonderfully hilarious and addictive.

“I’d never say anyone was fat due to that bein’ hurtful, but let’s face it, Lahonka’s a sandbag.  I carry a certain amount of weight, but mine’s perfectly distributed.  My big beautiful bubble butt balances out my oversized boobs…..”

With that said, I am extremely disappointed in this book.  Beyond totally bummed.  I usually read a book that I am excited about in less than a day to a day tops.  It took me until this morning to finish it.  It was released on Tuesday, so that makes it … 6 days.  I found myself struggling through the pages.  Forcing myself to continue and endure the boring, profoundly unimaginative story, I fell asleep several times while reading.

On average, I would find myself in tears from hysterical laughter while reading the books in this series.  I laughed twice reading Explosive Eighteen.  Not even a good wholehearted laugh.  😦

I recommend this book to those reading this series.  To others, I would advise against it.  There is nothing brilliant or phenomenal about Explosive Eighteen.

Mild to moderately indescriptive violent and sexual content.

Line of the book:

“Too bad,” Grandma said.  “He’s a looker, and I’m thinking about becoming a cougar.”

REVIEW: Wicked Games by Jill Myles

HILARIOUS!

I picked up Wicked Games as more of a joke book.  I needed something to fill some time and I really didn’t care what it was.

With that said, the first 35% of this book had me laughing so hard, that the people around me became annoyed.  Bully for them!

There will be several highlights from the book in this review.  All worthy, I assure you 🙂

This is an erotica / romance book that has plowed head first into a series of Survivor.  Now, I’m not a big fan of that show.  I don’t like politics.  I don’t like manipulation.  I just don’t like any of it.  So, when I realized what this book was going to be about, I totally frowned.  If I open a book, I must finish.  So I’m frowning and whining to myself, when I find myself laughing hysterically.

I have read a lot of books (Shocker, right?), this one took my by surprise.  I expected dirty, sandy sex.  I expected anger and resentment.  I expected the politics and manipulation.  What I didn’t expect, was the comedy.

Anger, lust, romance, deception, sex .. All wrapped into one beautifully packaged story.

Dean:

You know, it’s funny.  All the other girls on the island look like they’d love to spend a few days alone with me.  Abby looks at me as if she’d like to take my axe and gut me like a fish.  Weirdest chick I’ve ever met.  Decent swimmer, though.  Let’s hope she doesn’t totally blow it during the challenges. — Dean Woodall, Day 2.

One of the first challenges between the teams (Teams made up of two), was for Abby and Dean to work together to paint some flags.  One person blind folded.  The other instructing.  That went over real well.  Heh not.  Take a few days of frustrating scowling and toss them into a clueless leading the blind challenge.  What do you get?  Tears of laughter!

“I can’t draw if you don’t tell me–” 

“ABBY, DRAW,” Dean shouted, blasting my ears.  “PICK RED AND DRAW.  QUIT ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS AND JUST DRAW.” 

I threw down my brush, grabbed the closest pot of paint, and lobbed it over the table at my partner.  I didn’t hear it connect, so I grabbed the next one, and the next one, and heard the satisfying thwacks as they hit Dean (I hoped).

I ripped off my blindfold and glared at my partner.  Mister Perfect Jock was covered in yellow and red paint – quickly dripping to orange.  A streak of blue covered half the table and our flag looked as if the paint had thrown up on it.  He was glaring at me with utter disgust.

“If you yell at me again,” I screamed back, “I’m going to shove that fucking brush down your throat.  Understand?”  (Abby)

I have some other highlights, but they fall a little too much into the spoiler category!  So not happening.

I love this book.  I do.  I recommend this book to ADULTS ONLY.  There is little to no violence (With few lovely paint scenes heh).  The sexual content is tasty moderate.

I have a “Line of the Book” highlighted, but I don’t want to post it.  It’s beautiful and totally rocking awesome!  It is a spoiler and I just can’t do that to you.

~Happy reading!