… Just let go of me … *sings* .. Warning *blink blink blink* Purge ahead ..
i am better than this .. i am ..
sitting here wondering .. the thoughts pounding .. pushing by as i consider .. consider what? .. i am better than this .. craving sunshine .. needing the light .. music pulses and i breathe .. eyes are heavy .. arms are hot .. today has been something unforgettable .. not .. as always i am left at the point at which i am .. found thinking .. found wanting .. found needing and deceiving .. myself into a place of persistence .. a place unknown .. how easily one achieves .. a state of mind so deadly with need .. an aching heart that is breaking .. in a world of god fucking forsaking .. a room with little light.. just me as i type .. a inglorious post without merit .. hollow words left drowning .. left unsaid .. staring at my screen .. tears unshed .. a dictionary on one side and a scribbled essay on the other .. stupidity at its best .. seeking to purge .. to find that cathartic slide .. a slippery slope as i’ve recently said .. words should remain inside my head .. locked away .. dear agony on repeat ..doesn’t seem to be helping .. not one little bit .. as time flies by .. or perhaps stands still .. as the song on repeat continues to drill .. misery into my mind .. please someone help me .. help me find .. find me .. find me smiling .. carry me to heavens arms .. light the way and let me go .. take the time to take my breath .. i will end where i begin .. *sings* .. i will do my best .. always do my best .. sometimes .. it isn’t enough .. never enough to get me by .. on talent alone so that i may shy .. away from your touch .. away from me .. forever elegantly .. sneaking away as my eyes are hidden .. behind a veil so forbidden .. leave me alone .. just leave me be .. alone in my secret place of misery .. a place all my own .. in which i can wallow .. i always think .. please someone help me .. help me find .. a solution to which my mind .. will stop thinking .. will cease .. to throb with words .. curious words that leave me shaking .. typos made as fingers miss .. the keys that apparently hiss .. as i sit here typing .. typing like i do .. until the words just stop .. or become askew .. without worry or wonder .. without thought or effort .. an effort i must always make .. so that someone will not take .. that last piece of me that is mine alone .. buried deep and protected by .. that unseen look in my eye .. unnoticed as you walk by .. words are hurting .. forcing me to sit here typing .. how dare people spit their shit .. their words of hate .. of clumsy anger .. words i always seem to find .. tossed my way until i hind .. retreat within .. within a world i know .. refusing to share with others .. a place to grow and be .. be without me .. be without you .. where thoughts are forbidden .. is that even possible? .. throat tight with tears that i forbid release .. tears of weakness of defeat of .. submission .. to the thought of less .. less than what i am ..
i am better than this … i am …